Sunday, December 20, 2009

Standing At The Crossroads

Throughout human history, certain places in the physical landscape have been considered to be meeting points between this world and the other. Usually these places involve water, such as bogs, marshlands and wells but there is almost always something final about these kinds of places, they are almost always synonymous with death.

Not so the crossroads.

Crossroads are liminal places, meeting points between life and death, the mundane and the supernatural. But they are also places of potential, of decisions and new directions. At the crossroads everything can change.

And that is how I'm feeling right now, as though I'm standing at a giant crossroads in life. Maybe it's the yuletide season that's making me feel this way but I'm feeling very much that things are changing, that a new phase is starting and that decisions have to be made or I'll miss out. So there's a lot to think about, a lot to take stock of, to change and a lot of bitterness to lose. Because I do that a lot, I store bitterness up inside and trap myself in modes of behaviour that do nothing for me and just haunt my future until a time when I can find the peace, honesty and courage to let them go. I'm feeling such a time coming up right now.

So I'm going to use this yuletide to take stock of my life and decide which road on the crossroads I should take and to lay down the magic in the earth of my life so that it can manifest later on. The method I'm going to use would be labelled as being 'fluffy' and I would concur but it's not about getting 'cool points'. It just so happens that having a set list of questions to consider and meditate on is a damn good framework for this kind of thing. I want a direction, I don't want to be that woman whose dreams are dead anymore because people can sense that about a person I think. I notice it in the way people deal with my husband as opposed to myself and it's beginning to feel like my identity is being eclipsed by his. I'm becoming the forgotten one instead of the co-partner in my husband's life. Not by him, no, my husband would never do that, he's not that kind of person. It's other people you see and ours is a religion of community. I've whined enough about this situation, it's time to make changes.

A large part of doing this kind of thing is looking at where you've been, your history, the history of your family, in effect, your saga! We have to hear the voices of our ancestors in order to correctly plan our futures. That is what I'm going to focus on today - hearing those voices and revisiting that past. I need to reconnect with things that I've lost, reintegrate them into myself and then move forward.

No comments: