Today has been one of content. I have enjoyed the spring equinox immensely.
It's also been a day of reflection and thinking about you know...well...stuff.
This morning I got up early and went into town to pick up some food for a picnic because at some point this morning while lying in bed and considering what to do today, I'd decided to take a picnic in the little pine wood by the lake on post. I'd already marked winter there and so it just kind of made sense to me. So I went into town and bought food, went to the Asian supermarket and shocked them with finding my way round without help (and being able to read the labels), picked up some sandwich stuff and grabbed a coffee to go from the bakery before heading back.
Traditional offerings for me tend to be bread rolls and local beer and it always seems to go down well. I'd decided to write down some wishes on a piece of paper in German and in runes and had figured out how to say what I wanted to to the wights of the place. I found pretty early on that there is generally nothing if you speak English but if you speak German, then the fun begins ;)
Getting to the lake it was stunning, that lovely spring smell in the air, sunshine and new growth on the trees. I made my way to my place - a little place where a sapling grows that just kind of called me over when I first went there. Sitting there, surrounded by trees I started talking to the land wights in German. I told them who I was and asked once again that they accept me and my family here, I asked them to look upon my family with kindness and told them that I had offerings for them. Then I made my offerings, sliding my wishes into a bread roll, seeds for new plans and beer. With every toast I made, it seemed as though I was being listened to and that's when I heard it. The rhythm of the place. I know that sounds kind of weird but for me, if a place accepts me, I hear the rhythm of that place and it's then like a key to me. A way of talking to the place and getting the beings there to hear me. So I chanted the rhythm in a half joik style that seems to be becoming more common with me and everything in the woods just stopped and suddenly it was as though the sun was shining down just on me and all the trees were surrounded by this golden glow. The chant was a hard one to do, but like Germany itself, it was very very satisfying. Unsure of what I wanted to do next and wishing I had a blanket so I could stay longer and follow whatever it was that was pulling at me, I stopped.
I really could have laughed at that point because that was when I realised that Germany is absolutely my home now and how far I've come in the past nine months since I moved here. I have been to hell and back. I have hurt so much in the past year and feared so much and been so angry.
As grim as things were then though, I worked my arse off and improved my situation and finally met friends. As hard as it was to do it alone, I made this place my home. I now have a place that I'm fixing up for J and myself when he gets back, work is ok, I have a damn good group of friends, people are finally hearing us about military Heathens and to a large extent, today sitting in that woodland I feel like I have made peace with everything. I feel proud of how far I've come and what I've survived and now I only feel excitement for my husband's return, the summer and trying for babies in Autumn.
When I came back, I did a huge spring clean and that also felt good. Very very cathartic :D