Thursday, June 19, 2008

Seidhr and Choices

In all the accounts, save one, all Seidrworkers are single and itinerant. They have no relationships except for the one Seidrkona that has a son.

Yngona Desmond's book 'Voluspa - Seidr as Wyrd Consciousness' agrees with this, further stating that Seidhworkers involved in relationships don't have the same amount of focus to take things as far.

A while back, before I met Josh, this idea of being alone, of living on the outskirts of the community and using my particular scary talents didn't bother me. It was something I strived for. I wanted to become adept and earn the title of Seidhrworker.

Now I've become aware of a choice that's been creeping up on me but has remained unnoticed for quite a while for one reason or another.

The choice between my love and an art.

To be honest, if it came down to it and perhaps this is a sign, I'd choose my relationship, my love.

I don't know what that would make me - I will always have this extra 'awareness' about the worlds, knowledge and experiences. I cannot change that anymore than I can the colour of my eyes or skin. I would use that as needs be for the benefit of my family and community. I just won't be on a dedicated path to learn about Seidr anymore. I know it would be kind of foolish to throw away the chance to learn more and take things further but I think it would be more foolish to throw away the kind of love that I have found with my lovely man.

This relationship and the love we have has its own mysteries, as does motherhood and even though this is often overlooked for its mundanity, I think I would be happy just stopping here( if I could). I'm not prepared to sacrifice this in order to take things further with Seidr.

Maybe its not my role to, maybe my role is to use my skills to build community(unlikely with my lack of diplomacy I know but I think I'm getting better and I want to) and raise Heathen children and maybe point any fledgling Seidus in the right direction?

There will always be the rituals and different magics, that's typical of a Heathen woman full stop. Women were always the ones that did this stuff in the past. I just won't be getting my Seidr on unless necessary. I won't be going out of my way to take that stuff further.


Ned said...

This reminds me of a vision I had where Woden showed me two paths. One led through a perfectly trimmed suburban neighborhood with bright houses and whitewashed fences. The other was a crooked path through the mists of a decaying graveyard, flanked by fallen gravestones and twisted hangman's trees. In some sense, I am walking down both paths, on the one hand knowing the path of wyrd and it's inevitable conclusion, on the other, keeping up with mundane tasks like doing dishes and mowing the lawn, and so I am fully committed to neither.

Johnthebarman said...

Thanks for such open honest writing. You do, like Ned seem to manage to walk both paths. Do they cross or is the other just a breath away?